On turning desmond

22 goals I don't have yet (and that's okay)

I started writing this as a list of things I want to do but it turned out to be a random list of thoughts that popped in my head while I was putting this together. Pardon me for they are not all “goals” but also cool stuff I’d like to try but haven’t had the time for one reason or the other.

1. I cannot make the perfect omelette

   I barely fry my eggs anyways but every time I’ve tried, it always ends up being chaotic. I made some progress at some point by using non-stick pans and frying it on low-medium heat. I’ve gotten more favorable results since then but it’s not perfect.

   But who needs perfect?

2. I cannot sleep for more than 3 hours without help

   I was in Nigeria for three weeks and on one of those nights, I slept for 9 hours. I could not believe my eyes. I woke up feeling very rested that day but unfortunately, I’m back to square one and I can’t figure out how to stay asleep.

3. I still cannot do a pull-up

   Technically, that’s false. I can do a pull-up, but due to my size increasing, it’s becoming harder to carry myself cleanly during pull-ups without losing my arms. I will get there though, eventually.

4. I have not found my signature scent, sort of

   So, this is another lie. I thought I did, for the longest. I’ve had comments where people told me they smelled me before they saw me or they followed my scent around the office to find me. So technically I have a signature scent.
   

   My thoughts on this changed when someone saw me the other day and said: “Someone walked into a restaurant I was in and they smelled like you”. After hearing that, I wanted to change my scent but I’m definitely overthinking it. I added this here because I found it weird that someone else wore something I thought was niche but to think no one else wears it is to be deluded.

5. I need to stop pleasure-writing and start making money

   I really enjoy writing but I started this blog to exercise my writing limbs for my copywriting agency. Unfortunately, I have not had the time to work on the projects I really want to.

6. I can’t seem to find the time to learn Italian

   I got a book, I got into a groove but I’ve stalled. It’d be nice to get back on that.

7. I enrolled in a cooking class but haven’t tried any of the recipes

   I actually started trying the recipes out yesterday. The first recipe is for bread and it went terribly. Pray for me for I am in trouble.

8. I want to watch my football team play live

   This has to happen within the next year. My team is playing garbage at the moment but what can I do? I want to see some of my favorite players do what they do best so hopefully, I go visiting at a good time but it is going to happen, inshaaAllah.

9. The cheapest knife in my kitchen is the sharpest and I’m disappointed

   This isn’t a goal but I was cooking this morning and it dawned on me. I ordered a whole knife set from this fancy brand and it was practically blunt on arrival. While I was waiting for this set to arrive (it took 3 weeks), I walked into a nearby store to buy a knife off the shelf and it has remained the best in my kitchen.

10. I’ve never handwritten a letter and mailed it — and I want to.

    My friend sent me a handwritten letter in the mail at the end of last year thanking me for being part of her year and I thought it had a very cute touch to it. It’s also very intentional and it’s something I’d definitely be trying out.
    

    Although, I doubt I’d be writing it myself as my handwriting is nothing to “write” home about. I’d probably use one of those fonts that look handwritten.

11. I haven’t learned how to say no without over-explaining.

    I’m definitely exaggerating here. I’m getting better at it but recently, I keep saying yes because I want to see how far I can take it before breaking. It’s more like a challenge for me, so I can know my capacity.

    I know I can say no, I just say yes for the plot because why not?

12. I don’t know my “ideal day” because I’ve never slowed down enough to imagine it.

    I keep saying my days are a blur and I mean it. I cannot remember half the things I did recently, it’s also jumbled up into one big blob. I should slow down, which leads me to my next point.

13. I haven’t figured out how to be both ambitious and rested.

14. I’m still learning how to show up for myself without waiting for a reason.

15. I haven’t decided if my blog is a hobby or a legacy — maybe it’s both.

16. I haven’t written about love the way I actually feel it.

    No comment. All I have to say is when I fall in love, some of you will unsubscribe from how insufferable I will become.

17. I still haven’t run a 10K under one hour — but I will.

    Okay, no spoilers but I ran a 5k in exactly 30 minutes yesterday which is a Personal Best. I’m not saying anything but I think I’m getting faster. Let’s see if my legs show up to my next race in two weeks.

18. I haven’t shared half the ideas sitting in my Notes app — maybe I’m scared they matter.

    I’m scared they matter and if I share, it might not resonate with most people from how personal they are.

19. I haven’t figured out how to celebrate myself without second-guessing if I’m doing too much.

    I’ve definitely figured it out. I used to second-guess myself but now I just do what I like doing. I don’t have to spend so much money or do a grand gesture for myself, it could be the littlest things that make me giddy. As long as I’m happy, I go on with it.
    

    Celebrate myself everyday ❤️

20. I think I’m allergic to caffeine now

    I stopped caffeine last August because my body started reacting adversely to it. I took it overboard though, I was averaging three cups of coffee a day and drowning myself in Redbulls during the weekend.
    

    Since I stopped, I’ve probably had caffeine socially twice (with the same person, actually). Both these times, I’ve ended up twitching for about 30 minutes. The last time, I did not even have coffee. I tried matcha for the first time and I found out it had caffeine after the fact.
    

    Anyways, the small amount of caffeine in matcha made me twitch like a little boy. I used to be a caffeine monger, now I’ve pushed myself so far down the line that I can’t handle the smallest amounts.

21. I still don’t know how to open anything without using my teeth.
    Boxes. Bottles. Emotionally closed-off conversations. The teeth are coming out one way or another.
    I try to use my hands to loosen knots but it never works. My teeth on the other hand, never disappoints me.

22. I still don’t know if I’m documenting my life or designing it.
    Every blog post and note feels like a breadcrumb — but to where? Maybe I’m just archiving versions of myself for future-me to come back to and say, “look how far.” Or maybe I’m quietly shaping a life I’d be proud to look back on.

This post took a drastic turn pretty quickly. It was supposed to be 22 things I have not achieved yet but it seems to be just 22 random things. Pretty symbolic of how my life is going right now, you start with something but you end up doing something else. Wild.

Twenty two, table for two, season two, desmond tutu on a kangaroo — Lakers in 5!

See you around!